This one is rather bad.

Written: 21 February 05 – 1:12am
when I felt really bad.

This is not about someone else.
This is about me and how I´m feeling lately.
I´m not making these feelings...they just happen.
I don´t want anyone to cry or to be hurt – never.
Sometimes it just feels as if I needed to be mean
to other people so that they are angry at me..or even hate me.

Don´t ask why.
I´d love to know myself.

Because

 

I need your pain to feel
but you´re not hurt
Want your tears to live
tell me why aren´t you crying?

I know you can´t see
the tears behind my eyes
waiting to flow.
This wall of self-hate
refuses to let them go.

And all that
horror in my heart feeds
the fear inside my soul.
Say, all my sorrys
spoken soundless,
do they mean anything to you?